Yet another collage...and certain train of thoughts.

Yes, in the midst of my boredom and fascination for Photoscape, I have produced ANOTHER collage of me family :)

Still in need to hunt down more pictures. Need a camera and another harddrive now.My current 300Gig harddrive is FULL!!!

Too many songs inside and movies that I cant bring myself to delete (I think I'm the virtual junkie keeper person..hehe)

Reports,reports and MORE REPORTS again..

Sign,it seems like all clinical school is about it reports, clerking and trying to catch interesting patients to learn as much as you can.

Involves a lot of time management, which is not really my area cause I tend to do things when and where I feel like it.

Sniff,sniff...

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I realized that sometimes in life, I tend to really take things for granted.

I grumble about the little petite things in my life.

Why my lecturers are always picking on me (I still do not believe I have this HUGE NEON sign on my head that says 'Victimize me' )

Why I have so much of reports to finish all the time..

Why I just don't have the time to do the things I want..

Why Why and more Why Me's..

It sounds so selfish of me.It felt like all I cared about was I, ME ,MYSELF.

All I could see was poor lil ME and all the misfortunes that comes with being born as ME.

Until I walked into the Hugh Density Unit last week to see a patient.

No,lets not call her a patient. Let me call her a friend.

Her name is Elizabeth. She was born with scoliosis.(Click on it if you do not know what that is). She never asked to be born with it.The consequence of having this condition is endless and life is like a thin piece of thread for her that could break any moment.

Or like a candle exposed to the harsh winds but is blocked by a sheet of paper.

So fragile.

Yet, despite all her hardship,she endured.

She did not grumble about her condition, she accepted it from a young age that she was different.Occasionally she would cry about it but she still kept her spirits high.

And high did her spirits go that she endured all the way till university.

Until she came back for the holidays and was infected with a lung infection. A reminder again that with her condition, any form of infection of injury is HIGHLY dangerous. She had to be admitted to HDU and was intubated from her trachea at first but because of her abnormal size and curvature of her airways, the staff could not find a suitable tube to intubate her with. So she was intubated orally.

Now, intubation is not a fun thing to endure.You cant talk, cant eat, cant drink and cant even swallow your own saliva.Its a horrible experience, one I hope I'l never endure.

She fought to keep her spirits up. Whatever hope she had she clung on to it for dear life.

But there is so much your spirit can cling to.

She slowly slipped into depression, she hated the tube,hated being stuck on bed all day with multiple weird machines beeping around her.

She got lonely at night when there was no one around.

Her condition slowly deteriorated.

I could see her fighting to live,she really wanted out. But the reality was hitting hard against her door that it was slowly sticking its foot in and eventually its wholeself.

Everyday when I went to see her,I could feel my heart crying out for her, for a miracle,any miracle.

Anyone who saw her would feel the same.

She would try to cheerfully greet me when she saw me.But I could still see the pain in her eyes. She would always want to hold my hand as I stand by her bed and talk to her. And she would always point to her tube and ask for it to be removed but because I have no authority, I can only shake my head and say sorry. And her tears will flow.

Last Friday, I found her alone.She was finally off the tube but on the mask which she found uncomfortable as the air blowing through the mask was noisy. Her eyes lighted up when she saw me. She was too weak to beckon me over but she had the strength to hold my hand again. She told me she was only having the mask on until 11am. Then she wouldn't know what happens after.

As I stood there holding her hand, I could not help but marvel and her fragile yet enduring strength. I said a silent prayer for her. That she will see through this. The doctor came to see her and told her she needed the mask for a day. She begged the doctor to have it removed but the doctor did not want to give up on her.

When the doctors left,I too wanted to leave. But she clung on to my hand and looked at me with pleading eyes.

I could see her mouthing the words 'Stay with me'.

And I nearly broke down.

I stayed with her until her parents came and quietly took my leave after saying Hi to her parents.

What a way to be given a reality check.

Her condition has been improving really slowly but surely.She almost gave up hope a few times,had to be resuscitated. But she pulled through.

And I know she will pull through right till the end.

She has a fighter spirit in her although at times, she does have her doubts.

Please keep her in prayers.

How small my groans and whines seem when compared to her.

How small I feel, when I have everything I could asked for when compared to her.

I have to learn to be more grateful for everything I am and everything I have.

For now,I will continue to visit her everyday I'm there until she is discharged to remind myself life's not about me..

Its not about my petite complains.

Its SO MUCH MORE than that...