too deranged kim..

barely 2 days left to the End Of (my) Soul = EOS!..
kidding,it suppose to end of semester(i got the first 2 letters right:P)
struggling to finish the endless notes i WAS suppose to finish like a month ago in hopes that i can slack abit with revision but...
BUT..
BUT!!!
ahem..lets just leave it as that and allow your creative juice to flow (then again not much creative juice needed for this)
am at the point where i feel like all hopes gone and my only resort is to push for my resit paper instead as i have truly slacked alot since my semester exam.maybe it was because i finally passed with unexpected results that this stupid inner voice of mine constantly goes "Hey, you passed.See you can do it,so now,CHILL!!"
CHILL??!!!
the one word i hate to hear that occasionally peaks my annoyance,its like a taboo word to me.often,when ppl tell me to chill i have this imaginary image of me throwing them into a huge freezer and laughing back at them about ChILLING!!
sorry,m being deranged due to the thoughts of the creeping EOS..others would be sloughing their butts off but me,i'm busy watchin TV, playing computer...like i'm so pure born genius who only knows how to hold her pencil and draw a line(which has no sense) in the exam cause her heads as empty as an empty can(which would be....?)
everyone says i can do it,i can pass,no problem..if i fail they also will sure fail etc etc...
words that are suppose to comfort but somehow sounds meaningless when the real truth is known.sigh...
think i have passed the stage of anxiety and panicking till i breathe lecture notes to being totally oblivious to it.which scares me alil cause it either means i'm over confident about this exam in either passing or failing.the latter seems more of the case then the previous one.somehow,i feel that come 28th i will not break down and cry or stomp my feet etc on seeing the words 'CONGRATULATIONS!!YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO RESITTING THE EXAM.MAKE SURE YOUR SORRY ASS IS HERE ON THE 31ST OF DECEMBER AND 2ND OF JANUARY FOR YOUR FINAL RUN WITH DEATH" or something like that.i feel like i'm more prepared to accept it as a consequence (operant learning in action?) of me slacking (as always) and needing that douse of ice cold water from reality to wake me.maybe i'm still floating away in my dream land of gaining more that i should from my previous exam.
or maybe its just really me placing my entire trust in God's hands and surrendering it all to Him,pass or fail.
would love to blog more cause there's been so much going on that i just have to put my thoughts into (in particular concern bout the goverment and life) but i'm willing to bet when the time comes,it'l fall into my grey matter or disintegrate like the rest of my disintegrating matters and you will find me staring blankly at the screen trying to recollect those lost words of mine.
haha..the wonders of my brain..
have a memory span worst than a goldfish i swear..