Inspiring songs...

Sometimes, inspiration comes from God in ways I always least expected. Though it should not catch me by surprise cause I should be expecting it,yet it still amazes me how much He has NEVER given up hope on me..

My dear housemates Priscilla and Christy bought me a Casting Crowns for my birthday. Never heard of the band before but Prics says that it is a must listen.

And I agree...

Listening to the songs felt like He was telling me something. It felt likt God was talking to me,finally.After all these years of asking and begging to hear Him, He talks to me though a band i have never heard of and I believe,by His timely planning, Priscilla and Christy to introduce to me..

Thanks girls!!I love you crazily too!!!

Of the whole songs in that album,I found my inspiration to push though this tough phase of life in this one song that brought tears that is not tears that can be seen,but the tears that cannot be seen...

May this song bring some divine inspiration to you whose reading this..and if more, the unseen tears :)

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours..
I am yours..

Here's how the song goes...

Loves...

Pics from ze annual income collection festival :)

 Ze grand family pic :)

Missing the puchi brother of mine who's all the way in UK..

sniff sniff...

 

It  is always a tradition to take a  pic of the offsprings-offsprings..

Again,lacking the tower of the family..sigh..

The spousies of the 1st gen offsprings..

Unfortunately there is no available photos of the 2nd gen offsprings spousies..

CAUSE THERE ISN'T ANY YET!!

*evil laugh*

  

The proud parent with their offsprings..

All sporting prosperous bellies..Hehe..

And my proudest work ever which is currently the desktop backdrop of my grandp's computer..

*beams*

And more pics to come if only my comp will stop dying on me..

Accidentally deleted a driver when my sis bf and I deleted the virus vault. Now my comp is going crazy thus I am undergoing as it is currently, the excruciating pain and torture of having to download the entire driver section cause dear clever me left all my disc in Seremban which is currently collecting dusts and dropped paints from the painter who is painting the house..Sigh.

How my great mind works at times still never cease to amaze me...

And my lack of good relationship with the IT world which just seems to elude me all the time cause I think it secretly despises me..Not my fault,I tried..

I tend to rantle too much I know..

Thats why you have to have a STRONG ear to be around me...

Yet another collage...and certain train of thoughts.

Yes, in the midst of my boredom and fascination for Photoscape, I have produced ANOTHER collage of me family :)

Still in need to hunt down more pictures. Need a camera and another harddrive now.My current 300Gig harddrive is FULL!!!

Too many songs inside and movies that I cant bring myself to delete (I think I'm the virtual junkie keeper person..hehe)

Reports,reports and MORE REPORTS again..

Sign,it seems like all clinical school is about it reports, clerking and trying to catch interesting patients to learn as much as you can.

Involves a lot of time management, which is not really my area cause I tend to do things when and where I feel like it.

Sniff,sniff...

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I realized that sometimes in life, I tend to really take things for granted.

I grumble about the little petite things in my life.

Why my lecturers are always picking on me (I still do not believe I have this HUGE NEON sign on my head that says 'Victimize me' )

Why I have so much of reports to finish all the time..

Why I just don't have the time to do the things I want..

Why Why and more Why Me's..

It sounds so selfish of me.It felt like all I cared about was I, ME ,MYSELF.

All I could see was poor lil ME and all the misfortunes that comes with being born as ME.

Until I walked into the Hugh Density Unit last week to see a patient.

No,lets not call her a patient. Let me call her a friend.

Her name is Elizabeth. She was born with scoliosis.(Click on it if you do not know what that is). She never asked to be born with it.The consequence of having this condition is endless and life is like a thin piece of thread for her that could break any moment.

Or like a candle exposed to the harsh winds but is blocked by a sheet of paper.

So fragile.

Yet, despite all her hardship,she endured.

She did not grumble about her condition, she accepted it from a young age that she was different.Occasionally she would cry about it but she still kept her spirits high.

And high did her spirits go that she endured all the way till university.

Until she came back for the holidays and was infected with a lung infection. A reminder again that with her condition, any form of infection of injury is HIGHLY dangerous. She had to be admitted to HDU and was intubated from her trachea at first but because of her abnormal size and curvature of her airways, the staff could not find a suitable tube to intubate her with. So she was intubated orally.

Now, intubation is not a fun thing to endure.You cant talk, cant eat, cant drink and cant even swallow your own saliva.Its a horrible experience, one I hope I'l never endure.

She fought to keep her spirits up. Whatever hope she had she clung on to it for dear life.

But there is so much your spirit can cling to.

She slowly slipped into depression, she hated the tube,hated being stuck on bed all day with multiple weird machines beeping around her.

She got lonely at night when there was no one around.

Her condition slowly deteriorated.

I could see her fighting to live,she really wanted out. But the reality was hitting hard against her door that it was slowly sticking its foot in and eventually its wholeself.

Everyday when I went to see her,I could feel my heart crying out for her, for a miracle,any miracle.

Anyone who saw her would feel the same.

She would try to cheerfully greet me when she saw me.But I could still see the pain in her eyes. She would always want to hold my hand as I stand by her bed and talk to her. And she would always point to her tube and ask for it to be removed but because I have no authority, I can only shake my head and say sorry. And her tears will flow.

Last Friday, I found her alone.She was finally off the tube but on the mask which she found uncomfortable as the air blowing through the mask was noisy. Her eyes lighted up when she saw me. She was too weak to beckon me over but she had the strength to hold my hand again. She told me she was only having the mask on until 11am. Then she wouldn't know what happens after.

As I stood there holding her hand, I could not help but marvel and her fragile yet enduring strength. I said a silent prayer for her. That she will see through this. The doctor came to see her and told her she needed the mask for a day. She begged the doctor to have it removed but the doctor did not want to give up on her.

When the doctors left,I too wanted to leave. But she clung on to my hand and looked at me with pleading eyes.

I could see her mouthing the words 'Stay with me'.

And I nearly broke down.

I stayed with her until her parents came and quietly took my leave after saying Hi to her parents.

What a way to be given a reality check.

Her condition has been improving really slowly but surely.She almost gave up hope a few times,had to be resuscitated. But she pulled through.

And I know she will pull through right till the end.

She has a fighter spirit in her although at times, she does have her doubts.

Please keep her in prayers.

How small my groans and whines seem when compared to her.

How small I feel, when I have everything I could asked for when compared to her.

I have to learn to be more grateful for everything I am and everything I have.

For now,I will continue to visit her everyday I'm there until she is discharged to remind myself life's not about me..

Its not about my petite complains.

Its SO MUCH MORE than that...

Its been awhile

Yea yea...

I know its been A LONG while since I've written anything.

Writers block..

Then had a huge infulx of inspiration on what to blog bout..But lazy to type cause it was ALOT!

So instead of blogging,let me show you something I did while I was bored and feeling uninspired to study..

Took me half an hour to play with it but hey,I LOVE IT!!

Part 1 of the People in my life :)

Most of the people I love..

and their faces immortalized here..

I love you people!!

And there is definitely more to come but I realized I'm lacking alot of things..

The most important being PICTURES!!!

Hence,I'm in need to hunt down all the pics from those who owe me and those who don't but I still want to steal..hehe..

And that is only 1 part of it...

 Think I am in great need of a camera now.

Need to capture the moments of my life while it slowly slips away.

Want to remember the moments with everyone..

Who knows I might have Alzheimer's one day and the only way to preserve the memory is by capturing it in pictures :)

Then there is also the time to put it up nicely..

Haha,the laziness is kicking in again..

Inspiration from 'above'

I've been having this piece of paper stuck on my board in my home since I can remember when.

I usually tend to ignore it until I find myself stuck to my chair as exams draw near and for a break,I just happen to look up and see that piece of paper that inspires me to push on..
And remind me that in everything I do..
I'm not alone..

I know most of us are facing hard times during the upcoming exams,as it is our first exam in clinical school so we are not so familiar to the system.To others, they are facing their biggest exams yet.

So,I'm hoping that after u read this,u'l feel just as inspired as I am to push on.
And remember that in everything we do,We're Not Alone.

His Watching Over Us :)

I am to blessed to be stressed!!!!

The shortest distance between a problem and a solution,

Is the distance between your knees and the floor.

Those who kneel to the Lord can stand up to ANYTHING

So yea,during exam period time you'l prob see me limping around complaining of knee pains.
Its that symdrome priest get coz they kneel down to much..
Dang,can't remember the word for it..

So to me friends who are facing exams and stressing out..
All the best!!
And to my bodoh-clan,lets just keep remaining bodoh..
Lol,just kidding!!

Of scales and more nonsensical reports

Reports...

Reports...

Reports...

And More Reports..

Why did God create REPORTS!!!

Why do we have to type SO MANY REPORTS!!

Wasting paper and killing more trees only...

I wonder if the hantu that came up with this idea of writing THIS MANY reports is related to the owner of the A4 paper company or something...

Next monday holiday...

YESH!! CANT WAIT!!!

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Eversince I started Int Med posting, I meet patients who are constantly in pain and I find myself having to ask them this favourite question everytime.

Me : So,on the scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being pain that u can bear and 10 being unbearable pain that death seems so much sweeter (Ok,maybe i didn't say it that way but it still has death being so much better than the pain), how would u rate your pain?

On one occasion, a friend of mine asked that question to a patient who said he was in so much pain that is was so unbearable and this was what happened..

Sky's Friend : So uncle, on the scale of 1 to 10,what you rate your pain? 1 is boleh tahan pain and 10 is pain until want to die (direct translations k)

Patient : 1

And since we are on the subject of scales..
I was feeeling really depressed the other day cause I just finished my mini -CEX (its not pronounced SEX although it seems like that) and the feedback I got was I need to study more.It was not just from the lecturer (Thanks Dr Koh,you were really nice. You ROCK!! => OK,if your reading this,you did not see that statement yeah Dr. I'l bring a yellow bag for you incase I see u and if u ask me question and my answer makes u want to 'vomit blood'. Since the dustbin I pointed to is not the right place to vomit in..Hehe.. ) but it also came from following doctors for rounds and when they bombard me with questions, half the time I stand there stumped and admittingly telling them the much dreaded words most people don't like to hear.

"I'm sorry but I don't know."

Although its an honest answer,I cant help feeling so stoopid and how low it makes me feel to tell them I don't know.Sometimes I wonder if i'm studying right.I read alot but when questions are thrown at me,my brain feels like its been dipped in Nitrogen solution or suddenly the flow of electrical impulses all stop to the simultaneous Red light.And truth to be told,its affecting my morale and confidence in this field even more.

I want to do what I'm doing now.I want to do medicine cause everyday is really exciting.The patients I meet and talk to, the new things I see that most people would never believe is possible.

But,am I good enough?

Am I really prepared?

My sister told me one of her friend who was suppose to be doing housemanship has quit.Mum,jie and I were talking about it over the dinner table.We felt it was strange and such a waste.But what I took away from that table troubled me more and further pulmate my confidence.

What if I end up like Jie's friend?

What if I cant take the stress?

What if I make it all the way cause thats as much strength I have but the next 2 years in housemanship is the final straw for me?

I don't want to end up like Jie's friend.
I want to succeed.

And mum said something else that really struck a cord and now has me chewing on.

Studying is one thing in medicine,the stress is another thing.Everyone can study but not everyone can take the pressure.

And after all that pondering,I came up with this scale that's currently posted on my MSN pm.
Its call the stoopid scale.
Goes more or less along the same line as the pain scale : 1 being bearble stoopid,10 being REALLY TOTALLY INSANELY BEYOND DOUBT (and help) stupid..
Basically its asking people to rate how stoopid they think I am..

So...

On the scale of 1 to 10,How stoopid do u think I am? 

 Honestly speaking..

I hate being the evil,mean person that'l make me really hate-able.

I prefer to stay out and just stay down,make peace...

(Think this influence came from watching all those movies like Black Hawk Down and Band of Brothers)

Why cause a commotion when there is always a more reasonable,rationale and less voice-raising way to settle things?

But of course,easier said than done..

Desperate times occasionally calls for desperate measures..

And sometimes,hoping to be nice is not an option.

Its a forceful way if I want to survive and not get trampled on.

Yes,just because I'm small sized and smile or laugh alot and play more than I should DOESN'T mean I'm what I look like on the outside.

It doesn't mean I can be easily taken advantage of.

Neither does it mean,I'l always give in with a smile.

I'm not an idiot,nor am I as docile as u see me..

I merely choose to not be that vicious mean beast that everyone has and openly show it.

But trample on me,or take advantage of me..

I'l make hell seem like heaven for you..

I still prefer to be nice and peaceful.

So please,don't provoke me....